apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
