What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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