We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
a search helicopter?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
