I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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