Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize