i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
