I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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