is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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