Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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