i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wear drunk well.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
