reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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