THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
