i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
