She even gives head with a lisp.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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