Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
