the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
