I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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