I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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