You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
