ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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