I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
