You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
