Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
