when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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