I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
