I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
