ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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