Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
