You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
