You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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