I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
