Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
