Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
