I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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