Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize