I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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