I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
