Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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