Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
try to milk me bitch
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