I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
