Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
