In the future we'll all be gay
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
