I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
