So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
