i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
