Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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