I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
