I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
