If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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