okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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