CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
