my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
as a side note pls kill me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
