so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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