I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
