I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
