I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
