I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
