so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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