Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
