My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
