I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
