we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
