Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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